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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629096">I don't want to do it alone</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/neworld/pseuds/neworld'>neworld</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blind Character, Blood and Injury, Eye Trauma, Gen, Hurt Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Procedures, Memory Loss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:09:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,559</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629096</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/neworld/pseuds/neworld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After speaking with Martin in episode154 Jon decides to prove Martin wrong and does go through with blinding himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Melanie happened to pass by Jon's office and noticed to her surprise he wasn't there.  She was headed for the break room anyway so checked if he was there instead but he wasn't.  She loitered around, making tea for much longer than tea normally took, then made her way back to the open offices the archive staff normally shared.  She repeated this a few times throughout the day but never ran into him. Eventually she became suspicious. She went looking for him is document storage. No Jon but Daisy was listlessly scrolling away at her phone.</p><p>"Have you seen Jon?"  Daisy asked her before Melanie had a chance to ask the same question.</p><p>"Not today." Melanie admitted, her voice tight with concern.  not for Jon, but for what he might be doing.  </p><p>They had been keeping an eye on him since Martin had left the tape.  Keeping tabs on Jon to make sure he didn't slip out and feed on an innocent   person.  So far it had been easy.  Jon rarely left his office. And so far he hadn't left the institute without another staff member.  He had been irritable about it and grumbled a lot, he was still Jon after all, but he hadn't actually argued. He seemed grateful actually.</p><p>So this was odd, and Melanie frowned, unhappily suspicious.</p><p>"Me either."  Daisy admitted.  She looked a little worried.</p><p>"Have you tried calling him?" Melanie asked.</p><p>"Yes."  Daisy sighed. </p><p>"A few times, no answer. Goes straight to voicemail."  </p><p>That was a little concerning but not entirely unlike Jon to forget to charge his phone so no need to panic just yet. Melanie said as much and Daisy hummed in agreement.</p><p>"Maybe he's just out having a cigarette."  Melanie suggested.</p><p>Daisy nodded, she looked tired, pale and worn in the unflattering florescent lighting of the archives.</p><p>Melanie felt annoyed at Jon for worrying her.</p><p>"I may as well go check, not like I have anything better to do."  Melanie joked.</p><p>Melanie had been refusing to do any work for the institute for the previous few weeks.  Sometimes she would help research things for Georgie's podcast. But other than helping keep an eye on Jon she didn't do anything very useful or productive for the archives themselves.  The boredom made the fear and tension of the archives worse so she was happy to have a distraction. </p><p>Hopefully she would find Jon huddled against the building in the alley next to the institute smoking a cigarette.  Then she could pointlessly argue with him for a few minutes about whether or not it mattered that he was damaging his health by smoking, then berate him for letting his phone die.  It would pass the time.</p><p>But after doing a sweep of all the possible smoking areas around the building she had to concluded he wasn't there. </p><p>It was getting late in the afternoon, maybe he had stepped out to get something to eat.  She doubted it. Se couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Jon eat without being  badgered into it by someone else.  And he knew better than to sneak off to a café alone where he might run into an unsuspecting person with a story to tell.</p><p>But unsure what else to do Melanie wandered through all the cafe's within easy walking distance of the institute to check for Jon.  She picked up a baguette at the last one she visited before admitting defeat and walking back to the archives. When she got back she found Daisy was having a nap but Basira was back at her desk.</p><p>"Jon show up?"  Melanie asked.</p><p>Basira looked up from what she was reading in surprise.</p><p>"He's not here?"  She asked, annoyed and suspicious.</p><p>"He's not in his office, not answering his phone, not out having a cigarette."  Melanie explained.</p><p>Basira got up, her mouth a set in a grim, unimpressed line.</p><p>"We'd better try and find him, I'll check the tunnels, you check upstairs incase he's stalking Martin again or something."  Basira grumbled.</p><p>Melanie looked all around the Institute for Jon.  No one she ran into had seen him.  And they insisted they would remember seeing him, Jon was considered something of an institute cryptid and a huge source of gossip among the wider staff of the institute.  </p><p>Martin opened his door to Melanie wearily.</p><p>"I know you don't want to talk to us but just wanted to check if you've seen Jon?"  She asked.</p><p>"Erm no...why?  What's he done now?"  Martin asked nervously.</p><p>"Hopefully nothing, it's just we don't know where he is, and we try to always know where he is what with the...." She trailed off but Martin nodded to show he understood.</p><p>"Right, right of course."  He sighed.</p><p>"Haven't seen him."  Martin told her.</p><p>"OK, let us know if you do."  Melanie told him, she turned to go out as she did they both felt an odd sensation.</p><p>It was so strong it made them both stagger, so they both knew instantly that the other had felt it. It was like they had been pulling against something strong and elastic for so long they no longer noticed the strain, and suddenly the elastic had snapped. </p><p>"Wow, what was that?"  Melanie asked.</p><p>"I-I don't know, it felt...good?" Martin said hesitantly.</p><p>"Yeah."  Melanie agreed.  She felt lighter, happier.</p><p>"Like a relief." Martin said, sounding a bit dazed.</p><p>"But what the hell was it?"  She asked.  </p><p>Martin also looked kind of rattled by it.</p><p>"Do you think it has something to do with...with Jon?" He asked hesitantly.</p><p>Melanie rolled her eyes.</p><p>"I would be very surprised if it doesn't."  She complained. </p><p>"I'm going to go check with Basira and Daisy if they felt it too."  Melanie said.</p><p>Martin decided to come too.</p><p>"I just want to know what happened."  He told Melanie when she feigned shock that he was leaving his office.</p><p>Back in the archives Basira and Diasy were already discussing the phenomenon when Martin and Melanie arrived.</p><p>"So you felt it too?" Melanie asked, overhearing them.</p><p>"Yeah, it was weird, like a heavy weight was suddenly lifted off me."  Basira explained.</p><p>"I didn't feel anything."  Daisy shrugged.</p><p>"Didn't seem like any of the other staff we passed on the way down here felt it either, no one was reacting as if they had."  Melanie mused.</p><p>"So just official archive staff."  Basira said.</p><p>"You alright?" She asked Martin.</p><p>Martin had gone very pale.</p><p>"Did Jon talk to you yesterday?"  He asked nervously.</p><p>"In the morning yeah, haven't seen him since after lunch I guess."  Basira shrugged.</p><p>"Why?"  Melanie asked Martin suspiciously.</p><p>But Martin was already on his way to Jon's office.  </p><p>Jon had left the door open, on his desk sat a tape, a tape-recorder and a note written on a statement form so it looked innocuous, like it was just a statement he was about to record. </p><p>"He left us a note."  Martin said shakily.</p><p>The others, who had all followed him into the room, said nothing but looked worried and expectant.  Jon wasn't one for leaving notes. It didn't seem like a good sign.</p><p>Martin picked up the note and read it aloud for the others.</p><p>"This is difficult for me to write about, the Eye doesn't want me to talk about it. You'll have to excuse the handwriting. It's like I am fighting against myself to keep hold of the pen. I tried to record a tape but I just couldn't get the words out.  I'll do my best and the tape of Gertrude's I have left out should explain everything you need to know. " Martin read.</p><p>He glanced down at the tape and swallowed hard, then continued.</p><p>"I've decided to go through with it.  I think that's for the best considering the danger I have become to others. I had been kidding myself that I could use my abilities to protect you all, that you need me. But I can't ignore the feeling that what's happening to me is part of something sinister. This might be the only way to stop it.  I have to take that chance.</p><p>I'm sorry that I am leaving a lot of lose ends behind for the rest of you.  The best I can do is to get away, to not be left as a further burden in whatever state I will be in.  Please don't look for me, you will have your own problems I'm sure.</p><p>If you also decide to leave, good luck. I hope you can all get free, I hope you can all be safe.  </p><p>Best regards,</p><p>Jonathan Sims."</p><p>Tears had begun rolling down Martin's cheeks as he read. When he finished he slumped into Jon's office chair and looked utterly devastated.</p><p>"This is a suicide note."  Daisy said bleaky, looking pale ans shocked.</p><p>Martin shook his head numbly, still crying.</p><p>"Then what the fuck is he talking about?"  Melanie asked.</p><p>"He found a way to quit."  Martin told her tearfully.</p><p>"What?  How?"  Melanie demanded.</p><p>"You have to blind yourself."  Martin told her. "Jon must have gone through with it, I think that's what we all felt."</p><p>They were all silent for a moment as they processed this.</p><p>"We can leave."  Melanie said, awed.</p><p>"If we blind ourselves."  Basria said bitterly.  "That isn't really an option, how would..."  She trailed off looking at Daisy.</p><p>"Basira..." Daisy began but Martin interrupted them.</p><p>"He might be dead."  Martin sobbed.</p><p>"The Beholding was the only thing keeping him alive after all his injuries, and now he's cut himself off from it, he's probably..." Martin broke down, sobbing wretchedly.</p><p>Melanie tentatively put  hand on his shoulder.</p><p>"He might not be..." She told him.</p><p>"If he lived he will be really vulnerable."  Daisy said grimly.  "We need to find him."</p><p>"Any idea where he would go?"  She asked.</p><p>"I don't think he has anyone other than us, apart from Georgie, and she hasn't seen him, I messaged her earlier when I was looking for him."  Melanie explained.</p><p>"He asked me to go with him."  Martin said miserably.  "And I turned him away.  I laughed at him."</p><p>"We'll find him."  Daisy told the man.</p><p>"He asked us not to look for him."  Basira pointed out.</p><p>"Of course he did, he's an idiot, he thinks everyone is better off without him." Daisy scowled.</p><p>"Well... he might be right " Basira said carefully.</p><p>"No Basira, you can't think that."  Daisy said reproachfully.</p><p>"Our resources are already stretched as it is, and if Melanie blinds herself too, how will we take care of them both?"  Basira demanded.</p><p>"I'm not so sure we have to blind ourselves."  Melanie said slowly.</p><p>"I don't feel trapped anymore, it was such a constant, visceral, horrible feeling, and now it's gone." She explained.</p><p>"Maybe Jon leaving broke the connection for all of you?" Daisy suggested hopefully.  She didn't want Basira to blind herself but she really wanted her to get away.</p><p>"We should test it out." Melanie said enthusiastically.</p><p>"We should all leave, get far away as possible, we'll know for sure in a few days." </p><p>Everyone was silent for a moment.</p><p>"I have a safehouse, a cabin in Scotland.  We could all go stay there."  Daisy suggested.</p><p>Basira looked undecided.</p><p>"There are so many things going on here."  She argued.</p><p>"There could be fall out from what happened to Jon, it might be better if we aren't here when that happens."  Daisy pointed out.</p><p>Basira sighed and nodded.</p><p>"Martin?"  Melanie asked the man gently.  he looked so pale, he seemed almost translucent, barely there.</p><p>"I-I have a to...I can't just leave there are things I need to do, important things."  Martin told her, getting up shakily.</p><p>"Are you kidding me?"  Melanie asked alarmed.</p><p>"We've been give an opportunity here, are you really not going to take it."</p><p>"I already turned it down."  Martin said bleakly, pulling away from her roughly and stumbling out of Jon's office.</p><p>"Martin!" Melanie called after him but he ignored her.</p><p>"Leave him be."  Basira sighed. "He might change his mind if we find Jon but in the meantime I doubt we'll get through to him.  </p><p>The three of them left the institute and felt no urge to ever return.</p><p>When he was sure the others were gone Martin got to work.  He went into the tunnels under the archives and gathered the spare detonator and remaining plastic explosives left behind after the unknowing.  Gertrude had more explosives than Daisy thought they could reasonably get set up before the dance begun. Martin also took the half empty kerosene tin that was left in the secret room in which Gertrude's body had been discovered.</p><p>He splashed the kerosene around the selves of paper statements, it was probably unnecessary, the explosion would likely start a fire in the highly flammable stacks of paper.  But he wanted to be sure. He set up the detonator and hiding it in his bulky sweater made his way up to Peter Lukas's office. It was late in the afternoon and most of the institute staff had left for the day but to his relief Martin found Peter Lukas in his office having what sounded like an unpleasant phone conversation.</p><p>"Well how was I supposed to know he'd try something like that?" The man was asking as Martin knocked hesitantly on the door.</p><p>Peter gestured for him to come in and wait.</p><p>"I doubt anyone can stop Jonathan Sims from going something stupid."  Peter continued cheerfully on his phone call. </p><p>He sounded vaguely smug Martin thought, feeling a rush of hatred for the man.</p><p>Suddenly his face darkened.</p><p>"That wasn't the deal Elias."  He said with anger bleeding into his voice for the first time.</p><p>"Just because your plan failed doesn't mean you can weasel your way..." he seemed to be interrupted and paused.</p><p>"Yes he's here now."  Peter said looking over at Martin.  </p><p>Martin shivered under his gaze.</p><p>"Fine, we'll talk about it when you're here." Peter sighed and hung up.</p><p>"Sorry about that Martin, it seems your archivist has created quite a problem for Elias." Peter chuckled.</p><p>Martin grit his teeth.</p><p>"That's why I'm here."  Martin said, schooling his features into to careful neutral.</p><p>"I found him."</p><p>Peter looked surprised.</p><p>"You found the archivist?"</p><p>"Yes, he was in the tunnels, I was able to carry him up to the archives but, well, I'm not that strong, and it was very difficult to see him in that state and remain detached."  Martin told him, letting his voice break a little.</p><p>"He's still alive?" Peter inquired.</p><p>"Barely."  Martin told him.</p><p>"I wasn't sure what to do..." Martin told him, fidgeting.</p><p>"No, no you did the right thing."  Peter told him sounding pleased.  </p><p>"Don't worry Martin I will take care of it."  Peter told him.</p><p>Martin watched Peter walking away with blank eyes.  He waited, trying to keep his breath calm until his phone buzzed. It was Peter calling.</p><p>"Where in the archives did you leave him?"  Peter asked irritably.</p><p>"I don't see him anywhere."</p><p>Martin's only answer was to press the trigger on the detonator.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had just started raining in Aberdeen and the grimy streets were slick with black tinted water as the rain picked up the layers of soot and smoke and dust in the air and on every surface in the city. Dark water welled in the cracks in the concrete, in the pitted surface of the road and began to spill along the gutters dark grey and reflecting light from all the surrounding cars and street signs.  A young man hurried along the wet pavement, trying to go as fast as he could to get out of the rain without slipping on the wet concrete.</p>
<p>His name was Adam Scholes and he was on his way to have dinner with his parents. It wasn't any particular event but he was close with his family and they liked to catch up every few weeks to eat together. He was running late for this dinner and was dreading that now he would not only be scolded for being late but also for getting wet. But has careful not to fall because being injured as well would just ratchet the scolding up a notch. It was only because he was paying such close attention to the wet pavement, in order not to lose his footing, that he noticed the man in the alleyway. </p>
<p>Adam noticed a thin stream of red in the murky grey water and had moved on a few steps before his brain caught up with what he had seen.</p>
<p>Skidding to a halt Adam hesitantly stepped back to where he had noticed the blood. There wasn't a lot, but it scared him to see it led in to a narrow alleyway between empty buildings. Adam stood nervously in the mouth of the alley, squinting in the poor light and rain to try and see the source of the blood.  He saw a person was lying slumped against the wall of the building. </p>
<p>"You alright?" He called to the motionless form.   </p>
<p>There was no response.</p>
<p>Adam hesitated, wondering if he should get involved. He was already late.  It wasn't his problem, they may not appreciate his interference. But his mother's voice spoke up in his head. "What if it were you?"</p>
<p>Groaning inwardly Adam slipped a hand into his pocket and clutched his phone, unlocking it with his fingerprint in preparation to call 999 if needed.  He steeped carefully over to the person.</p>
<p>"Hey, do you need help?"  He asked.</p>
<p>The person didn't respond, but up close they were smaller than he had thought.  It was a man, small and thin with long unkempt hair. They were huddled in a black coat, curled in on themselves but otherwise exposed to the rain and clearly getting soaked.</p>
<p>Adam sighed.  They were probably homeless, they looked kind of homeless with the long messy hair and generally uncared for air about them. There clothes were ill fitting and rumpled and had clearly seen multiple wears without washing. The man might just be passed out drunk, or high, the blood might just be inconsequential. </p>
<p>Adam hated to admit to himself that he felt frightened of the person, they were so much smaller than him.  But what if they were crazy?  What if they had a knife?  </p>
<p>Pushing that thought down Adam inched closer.</p>
<p>Now he could see for sure they were alive at least.  They were trembling, and breathing in ragged, shuddering breaths. </p>
<p>"Hey..." Adam called again.</p>
<p>"Do you need...?" </p>
<p>This time Adam's voice elicited a response.</p>
<p>The man raised his head and Adam saw where the blood had been coming from.  He gasped horrified.</p>
<p>Blood ran from the man's eyes like gory tears.  His face was bruised, twin black swellings encompassed each of the man's eyes.  </p>
<p>The man murmured, a terrified whisper with no real words Adam could discern.</p>
<p>"I-I'll call you an ambulance."  Adam stammered.</p>
<p>He pulled out his phone and did just that.</p>
<p>The call operator was urging him to try and get a response from the wounded man, to check if they were injured in any other way.</p>
<p>"Help is on its way.  Can you tell me your name?  Do you know what happened to you?"  Adam asked the man gently.</p>
<p>The man just groaned and curled up again.  </p>
<p>When the ambulance arrived and loaded the man up Adam wasn't sure exactly why he went along.  He was probably in mild shock. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before.  He supposed, vaguely, the police would want to speak with him. It was oddly embarrassing that he could not answer any of the EMTs questions.  </p>
<p>"What happened to him?" Good question, no idea.</p>
<p>"How long has he been laying there?"  Not sure, hopefully not too long?'</p>
<p>The man looked a lot worse in the light of the ambulance. The injury to his eyes were horrible, but he also looked like he might have been tortured at some point.  He was covered in small round scars, like he had been burned with cigarettes and his right hand was incased in a large burn scar.  He had another scar on his neck like his throat had been cut.  And he as so thin and exhausted looking. Adam felt a sting of shame that he had been afraid of this frail, wounded person.  </p>
<p>The man was barely conscious.  He moaned and whimpered under the EMTs careful ministrations but didn't seem aware of what was happening to him.  He didn't answer any of their questions.</p>
<p>At the hospital the man was whisked away for treatment and Adam, not knowing what else to do called his parents and told them what had happened.  They were sympathetic and offered to come pick him up.  While he was waiting the police arrived and asked him what happened. But Adam couldn't tell them.  He had no idea.  They accepted this quickly and thanked him for calling it in.  They had just left when his father arrived to collect him.</p>
<p>"I'm proud of you."  His father told him as he drove him home.</p>
<p>"That was good of you to help that poor soul."  </p>
<p>"Someone...I think someone gouged his eyes out."  Adam muttered, feeling disgusted and shocked.</p>
<p>"Why would anyone do that?"  Adam asked horrified.</p>
<p>His father stared out the windshield for a few beats. </p>
<p>"Drugs?"  He finally offered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Police sergeants Jasmine Kerr and Daniel Elliot had been called in to investigate a possible assault.  The victim was being loaded into an ambulance by the time they arrived at the alleyway. He looked very bedraggled in his wet clothing with blood and rainwater soaking into the cotton pads bound across his face.</p>
<p>There was not much to see at the scene.  The rain had gotten progressively heaver and washed away any trace of blood.  Searching the alley turned they found what looked like a small screwdriver with a round wooden handle.  The tip of the metal shaft was wickedly sharp. They bagged it up as evidence.  </p>
<p>At the hospital they interviewed the young man who had found the victim.  He was clearly shaken by the experience and had no idea what had happened. He was in his late 20s to early 30s but the shock made him look much younger.  He didn't know the victim and had just happened upon them by chance. The only way they would likely get answers would be speaking to the victim directly.</p>
<p>"Can we speak with him?" Sergeant Elliot asked the attending doctor.</p>
<p>"He is not very coherent."  The doctor warned.</p>
<p>"An eye specialist is looking at his scans now, they will want to take him in to surgery soon."  </p>
<p>"We'll be brief as possible."  Sergeant Kerr promised.</p>
<p>The injured man was propped up in bed.  His thick coat and wet clothes had been removed and he had been changed into a clean dry hospital gown. This showed how thin and heavily scarred he really was. Shiny dots of scar tissue stood out paler against his dark skin. A white bandage covered his eyes.</p>
<p>The nurse that had shown the officers in gently spoke to the injured man, explaining the police were here to speak with him. The man flinched and whimpered at her careful attempts to get his attention and it was clear to the police he was in no state to speak with them.</p>
<p>They were able to speak to his doctor though.</p>
<p>"The eyes were damaged by a very sharp pointed weapon like a skewer.  After piecing the cornea, they cut the suspensory ligaments that hold the lens in place, then the blade was moved around damaging the retina. This was done to both eyes but one is worse off than the other.  He is unlikely to regain much vision, we are still not sure if we will need to remove the eyes completely.  We will have to see how he goes in surgery."  The doctor explained.</p>
<p>Sergeant Kerr showed the doctor a picture of the spike they had found in the alley on her phone. </p>
<p>"Could this have done the job?"  She asked.</p>
<p>"Yes."  The doctor said with a grimace of distaste.</p>
<p>"The eye damage is not the only problem though. He is covered in scars, I can't say what caused them but they are extensive and have happened over the period of 2 years at the most from the amount they have healed." The doctor informed them.</p>
<p>"He looks like he has been living rough, any signs of drug abuse?"  Sergeant Elliott asked.</p>
<p>"None so far, we are waiting on blood tests but I can tell you he is malnourished and exhausted. He may have been homeless."  The doctor sighed.  </p>
<p>The doctor couldn't tell them anything more than that.  Checking the man's clothing they found a wallet. It had no money or bank cards, just an old expired university ID with a picture of the man, young and neat with short hair and no scars.  And the name Jonathan Sims.   </p>
<p>"He went to Oxford?" Sergeant Elliott mused.</p>
<p>Sergeant Kerr shot him a look.</p>
<p>"All kinds of people end up homeless."  She scolded him.</p>
<p>They were able to get a few more details on the mystery man from his university.  His date of birth, an address he clearly didn't live at anymore.  His emergency contact listed was his grandmother.  Her number was answered by the person who had bought the old woman's house after she passed away. </p>
<p>The lab results from the spike found in the alley came back by the next day.  It only showed the victims fingerprints.  </p>
<p>"It's a book binding awl."  Sergeant Kerr read from the report.</p>
<p>"That's kind of an unusual item, not even sure where you'd get one from." She mused.</p>
<p>"Hardware store?" Sergeant Elliott shrugged.</p>
<p>"I doubt it, who do you know that even does book binding?  Can't be that common, this could be a lead."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, it kind of looks like he did this to himself."  Elliott told her.  </p>
<p>"Sad but not much we can do for him, hopefully he will get the help he needs from the hospital." </p>
<p>"We should at least try and question him again when he is stable. Violence against homeless people is not exactly unheard of."  Kerr argued, not willing to dismiss the crime yet.</p>
<p>They went back to the hospital.</p>
<p>"He came through surgery well, considering the poor condition he's in."  The doctor told them.</p>
<p>"So we can question him?" Kerr asked.</p>
<p>"You can but I'm not sure it will be very helpful. He has suffered some kind of brain injury; he doesn't remember anything." The doctor told them.</p>
<p>"He doesn't remember what happened to his eyes?"  Kerr asked.</p>
<p>"He doesn't remember anything at all, not even his name. He was quite distressed about it, obviously.  You can speak to him, but go easy, he has been through a lot and is still really unwell." The doctor warned them.</p>
<p>Jonathan Sims looked about as bad as when they had last seen him.  He was still propped up in bed with bandages around his eyes. His messy hair had been tied back but they could still see how tangled it was, and streaked with grey.  He was trembling with a mild post-operative fever. But this time he seemed more lucid when they spoke to him. </p>
<p>"You are police?"  He said eagerly when they introduced themselves.</p>
<p>Sergeant Elliott was surprised by his accent despite knowing his academic past. It was just so at odds with his appearance. </p>
<p>"Yes we are.  Can you tell us what happened to you?"  Elliott asked.</p>
<p>Jonathan scowled.</p>
<p>"No I was hoping you could tell me that."  He told them irritably.</p>
<p>"I can't remember anything."  </p>
<p>"I'm sorry that must be hard."  Kerr told him sympathetically.</p>
<p>"I don't need pity."  Jonathan told hem tersely.</p>
<p>"I need answers."</p>
<p>"We found the weapon in the alley where you were found, but it only had your fingerprints."  Elliott told Jon cautiously.</p>
<p>"So that doesn't help...what else?"  Jonathan asked.</p>
<p>"It was a book binding awl. Do you remember anything about it?" Elliott asked.</p>
<p>Jonathan's forehead scrunched as he seemingly tried to remember.</p>
<p>"No."  He sighed</p>
<p>"Did you have any enemies?  Anyone who may want to hurt you?" Kerr asked him.</p>
<p>Jonathan laughed humorlessly.</p>
<p>"I don't know, I don't remember anything at all about myself.  If they didn't tell me my own name, I wouldn't have even been able to tell you that."  He muttered angrily.</p>
<p>"You have been through a terrible shock, please call if anything comes back to you."  Kerr told him.  </p>
<p>She went to give him her card but remembered he couldn't see and just held it there awkwardly for a moment.</p>
<p>The nurse took it from her.</p>
<p>"If he remembers I will help him call you."  She told them.</p>
<p>"But...is that all?  what about my family?  Where are they?"  Jonathan asked desperately when he sensed the police were planning on leaving.</p>
<p>"We found an old university ID of yours and called your emergency contact listed, your grandmother."  Sergeant Kerr explained.</p>
<p>"Unfortunately she had passed away. It seems your parents died when you were only very young and your only extended family lives abroad. I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Jonathan looked miserable and they didn't blame him.</p>
<p>"But...what about friends? I-I don't have anyone?" Jon asked brokenly.  </p>
<p>"This isn't the end of the investigation."  Kerr told him firmly.</p>
<p>"We'll get back to you if we find anything."  Elliott agreed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The nurse caring for Jonathan Sims was named Merin Dunlop.  She had been on duty the night he was first bought in and had been horrified to see the brutal injuries on this frail, vulnerable person. Then he had no one turn up for him.  No worried mother, no furious father demanding answers, no concerned friends to cheer him up. It seemed he was alone in the world and it broke her heart. </p>
<p>Merin had been the first one to speak to him when he woke up from surgery, confused and disoriented.</p>
<p>"Where am I?"  He had called out weakly.</p>
<p>He tried to pull the bandages from around his eyes.</p>
<p>"Please leave those."  Merin had warned him quickly.</p>
<p>He jumped, frightened and unsure if she was a threat.  </p>
<p>"You are in hospital; your eyes were injured and are bandaged." She explained.</p>
<p>"But...I can't see like this."  Jonathan grumbled, confused.</p>
<p>"I know, I'm sorry, please just try to relax. I let the doctor know you are awake so he can come and let you know what's going on with you."  She told him soothingly.  She did page the doctor but it took some time for them to be available, and in the meantime, Jonathan had questions.</p>
<p>"What happened to me?"  He asked her.</p>
<p>His voice was rough and she got him a cup of water.</p>
<p>"Here, I'm putting a cup to your lips so you can drink alright."  She told him.</p>
<p>She waited for him to nod in agreement before she did so, not wanting to scare him.</p>
<p>He drank gratefully.</p>
<p>"You were brought in yesterday; you have injuries to both eyes and you were very dehydrated and malnourished and in shock.  Do you remember anything?"  She asked him.</p>
<p>"I...I...um...no I can't."  He admitted.</p>
<p>"Can you tell me your name?"  Merin prompted.</p>
<p>Jonathan was silent a long time, his breath began to quicken.</p>
<p>"It's alright."  She soothed.</p>
<p>"I don't remember anything."  He told her fearfully.</p>
<p>Then the doctor arrived and explained about his eyes.</p>
<p> "We were able to salvage your eyes, you may regain some basic vision especially in your left eye, it wasn't quite as bad.  The right eye is unlikely to provide anything more than dark or light." </p>
<p> Jonathan was very quiet and subdued.</p>
<p>"I'm blind? "  He asked timidly.</p>
<p>"I need to be honest with you, you will be legally blind, that is have such limited vision you will likely require assistance to get by, at least at first.  And it is quite likely you will be profoundly blind, that is having no vision at all. It is hard to determine at this stage but we will do everything we can for you."</p>
<p>Jonathan was silent was a long time but he was trembling visibly.</p>
<p>"Do you have any questions?" The doctor asked him gently.</p>
<p>"Why can't I remember anything?"  Jonathan asked in a small, frightened voice.</p>
<p>"About the attack?  It's very common not to remember traumatic events, the memories may come back in time, be patient with yourself." The doctor told him.</p>
<p>"No...not just the attack, I don't remember anything, who I am, where I am from, nothing...I can’t even remember my name. Is that just from trauma?  Will it all come back?"  He asked.</p>
<p>This was all news to the doctor and he quickly called for a neurological consult.  </p>
<p>The neurologist went through a variety of cognitive tests and ordered an MRI. </p>
<p>"You have suffered some damage to the amygdala which is the area of the brain that is responsible for fear, emotions and also has a role in memory consolidation and processing." The Neurologist explained. </p>
<p>"So I am blind and I have brain damage."  Jonathan sighed.</p>
<p>"Good thing I appear to have such an extensive network of friends and family." He added bitterly, waving a hand at the empty room.</p>
<p>"We will set you up with a case worker."  The doctor told him awkwardly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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